LIVED EXPERIENCE BIOGRAPHY OF madison (she / her)

I regularly encounter an assumption that trans people are those who commit to constantly living, in every way possible, as the ‘opposite gender’ to what was assigned at birth.  Neither I, nor a great many transgender people, fit this description.  Transgender experience is diverse.  This is reflected in the inclusive phrase ‘Trans and Gender Diverse’ (or TGD).  I find the term ‘gender diverse’ helpful in describing my own gender identity, as well as ‘trans-femme’.

Assigned male at birth, I presented accordingly for 47 years.  I raised a daughter into adulthood alongside my wife of 25 years.  Some suggest the tired cliché that I was ‘living a lie’.  I continue to reconcile what I know about myself with what I might therefore wish for and what seems possible. Within this, my family life remains a labour of love.  There is no ‘lie’ in that.

Suppressing fundamental aspects of one’s self is, however, a form of self-harm.  I had previously experienced occasional private puzzlement about my sexuality and gender.  In 2017, this developed into an inundating sense of vulnerability.  Suppressing this only led to severe disorientation and anxiety.  My body shut down for an extended period, where little other than respite was possible.  I felt incapable of returning to the life I had been living.  Over time, it became clear that whilst my wife and I were still friends, our romantic relationship was at an end.

I took a career break supported by occasional self-employment.  This included a two-month retreat to a yoga ashram; learning how to live in my body rather than being concerned with the outside world and how it might judge me.  Having become considerably more centred, I was now capable of exploring what being gender non-binary meant to me. 

Previously known as Warwick, I have changed my name to Madison. I now often wear skirts.  I occasionally wear light makeup.  I paint my nails.  I allow certain gestures and deportments that come naturally to me, which I had previously masked.  My professional clothes comply with female gender norms.

A substantial change in life can help augment personal and vocational strengths.  I am certain that the experiences I have outlined here did so.  When engaging with teams on matters of risk or opportunity, I have found that lived experience brings the following benefits: 

• Taking a less trodden path sharpens skills in introspection and self-direction, keeping us at our authentic best.  Modelling this behaviour inspires others to do the same.
• Any significant life transition is an exercise in accepting and embracing failure in order to find a better path.  Any team may struggle to meet targets.  Those involving safety, diversity or inclusion are certainly no exception.  Organisational success in these areas is similarly based on embracing prior failures, celebrating them as a source of the lessons that helped find a better way.
• Forgoing the privilege that I previously enjoyed as a cisgender male actually helped me find genuine freedom.  Sharing this experience assists others to better understand the nature of privilege and marginalisation.  Risking the trappings of privilege, in order to find better ways of relating to ourselves and one another, is a higher purpose of leadership.